


The Burlesque Dancer

by tinydancer45



Category: CNCO (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Love Triangles, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16783321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydancer45/pseuds/tinydancer45
Summary: What happens when a boyband member meets a Burlesque dancer leading a double life?





	1. Chapter 1

Preface.

They met about two years ago in the club right after we became a band. It was more or less weird because when they met he did not know who she actually was. But the effect she had on us, especially me was… well special. Let me go back to the beginning to where it all began.


	2. Introducing Justice Cruz

“I can’t believe this is all a reality. I’m still shocked.” I whispered to Chris walking off the stage.   
“Same, papi.” He responded.  
I could see some tears forming in his eyes. Our dreams were finally coming true, but as this moment all I wanted to do was celebrate. “We should go out and celebrate.” I turned and said to Chris, Zabdiel, Joel, and Erick. We collectively agreed to go out dinner and then to an 18 and older club. At dinner, we looked at each other in such awe that eating was no longer first nature to us which is funny looking back on it because it was one of the first moments I shared with these guys.   
After dinner, Chris and I convinced Zabdiel to come with us since he also just turned 18.   
“Estado en este lugar antes?” Zabdiel shyly asked me.  
“Si, papi chulo.” I jokingly responded to Zabdiel. “Esta en Miami, papi! Let’s have fun!” I could see some of the worry on his face, but Chris was able to reassure him that we were going to have a good night. When we reached the club, there was a multitude of people there and I was worried about our chances getting into the club. However, I was hoping our new found fame would score some points with the bouncers. I walked up to the bouncer with Chris and Zabdiel and politely said, “Hola! Como est---”  
“Next.” He quickly responded.  
“Por que?” Chris asked gently.  
“This is an event night fellas. Every guy wants to get into this place tonight, so unless you’ve got something good to tell me, I don’t wanna hear it.”  
We looked at each other about to tell him when a feminine voice appeared in front of us.   
“Papi. Their CNCO. Welcome them and put them at the best table.” She was wearing all black with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She smiled at us and then walked back into the club.  
“You heard the lady. Go on in and speak to Jorge about the JC table.” The bouncer let us into the club.  
Zabdiel turned to me and asked, “Que es JC table?”  
“No se.” I replied.   
“Hola chicos. Follow me por favor.”  
We were still confused but went along with it anyway.   
“Enjoy!”  
“What’s the JC table mean?” I quickly asked.  
“It’s usually reserved for top names which is why I’m shocked that you three were placed here. Only the performers ask to have people sit at their tables.” He continued telling us about the other performers tables.  
“Performers?”  
“Burlesque performers. They usually perform on weekends here. If you need anything, walk up to the bar and let them know which table you are at.” He walked away leaving us more informed yet more confused at the same time.   
“Where did you bring us?” Chris laughed worriedly.  
“Apparently a burlesque dancer wanted us to sit here or something like that?”  
“Burlesque dancer?”  
“No clue.”  
The lights began to dim a little and the music softened leaving just the voice of an announcer stating. “Welcome! Please take your seats. As a safety precaution, please do not touch the dancers or offer them money. If you do these things, you will be escorted out. Thank you and enjoy the show.”  
With that announcement, dancer after dancer flooded the stage and the dancing area. After about two hours, and many drinks later the final act of the night went on with the announcer once more coming on.  
“For the final performance and who you have been waiting for, arrived for, and paid to see I present to you with much excitement. The confident, the sensual, the Upcoming Burlesque performer of the year: JUSTICE CRUZ.”  
The lights went dark and a single spotlight followed a female body heading for a mic on the stage. She began to perform a rendition of “Sober” by Selena Gomez. I was completely enthralled by her and I looked over to Zabdiel who was smiling and then Chris who was blushing.   
“She’s hot.” Chris blurted out.   
She heard him and approached our table and then throughout the dance floor to different tables. Before the song ended, she walked back onstage and the lights went off again. When they turned back on, she was gone and the three of us were speechless. After her performance, we could see men of various ages attempting to go backstage and meet her. Each one escorted from the building.  
“Me pregunto si ella va a salir y sentarse con nosotros.” Zabdiel said to us.  
“Tal vez. Si tuviera suerte.” Chris answered him.  
As we continued talking the same feminine voice that got us into the club appeared behind us. “Hola, chicos ¿Puedo sentarme contigo?”   
“Si.” We all responded in different voices.  
“Is it okay if I speak in English? My Spanish is not great.” She chuckled.  
“Yeah. We all know what you’re saying, hopefully.” I responded.  
“What’s it like being in CNCO? You know I voted for all of you, so I’m super happy you’re here.”  
“Well, it’s great.” Chris responded casually.   
I leaned over into her ear and asked, “What is your name?”  
She responded by saying, “Jaycee.”  
“Pretty name.” I said.  
“Thank you.” She smiled a little.   
“¿Crees quien Justice está saliendo?” Zabdiel whispered over to Chris.  
“No se.” He responded with both of them looking backstage.  
I looked over at Jaycee and the smile on her face went down a little.   
“It was nice sitting with you three. Good luck on your career.” She got up and left.   
“Nice, chicos.” I sternly said to Zabdiel and Chris.  
“Que?” Chris stupidly asked.  
“You know que. Very rude. Maybe it’s time for us to leave?”  
“Pero es mi cumpleaños.” Zabdiel pleaded.  
“Okay, okay. But can you two promise not to be dickheads the next time someone who isn’t Justice Cruz comes over to our table.”  
“Si.” They both hurriedly said getting excited.   
I looked up and Justice was approaching our table. She was more gorgeous up front even though, I couldn’t see her face. She had big curly brown hair, a black lace mask covering her face and a red number that could kill.   
“I heard you three have been waiting for me.” She smirked at us.  
My eyes widened not knowing what to say.   
She then sat between myself and Chris. “I also heard that you three are winners and are in a boyband. So exciting. I’d love to possibly dance to any future songs.”  
Chris and Zabdiel looked like two puppies drooling over a piece of meat, but as she kept talking I recognized the voice. It was the same voice earlier. I didn’t think too much into it though until the next weekend when we saw Justice perform again.


	3. Jaycee Carmen Santiago

“How did it go? Did you get a chance to talk to them, Jaycee?” Sydney asked me.  
“I fucking wish.” I responded. “They only wanna see Justice. They came here for Justice.” I could feel the tears coming down my face. “I’m an idiot to think they would even look at me like a person, but whatever I’ll do my usual and then just forget about them.” I got into my second outfit for Justice.   
“I hate seeing you upset.” Syd replied.  
“Not your fault. I’m fine just being overdramatic.” I said as I walked out of my dressing room towards the table. I sat down and did my regular act. Flirt, ego stroke, smile, whatever gets them revin and ready to go and make them feel good, but what was really odd was that one of the guys, I think his name was Richard kept looking at me like he knew. Like he knew I was a fraud or something.   
After that night, I thought I’d never see them again, but like every other male fan of mine they came back the next weekend, but only two showed up. Chris and Richard I think their names are. Once again I did the same thing went up to their table as Justice did my thing and after two hours walked backstage. Afterwards it was a little more dead than usual so when I heard a knock on my door, I assumed it was Syd checking in on me. “Come in, doors open.” I answered as I took my wig off then my mask revealing my real person.  
“Um, am I in the right room?” a familiar voice asked.   
I turned and it was Richard. I ushered him into the room.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked him frantically pushing him into the room and closing the door quickly. He just looked at me.  
“Well.”  
He took a breath. “I knew it was you Jaycee.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“The first night when you sat with us as Justice I recognized your voice, but I wasn’t 100% sure. And I didn’t wanna embarrass you.”  
I felt my face get hot and my eyes getting teary.   
“Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?”  
“I’m fine. Why are you here?”  
Once again he looked at me.  
“Here to get a little dance, maybe try to get a little more. Well I’m not that type of woman or performer so if you’re here for that get out.”  
“No I’m not actually. I wanted to tell you that you were great tonight.” He turned and headed for the door. “Before I leave, can I ask why you put on this little show as yourself and then as Justice?”  
I took a breath and sat down on my couch. “Because my burlesque persona is not who I actually am. Just a persona I created that I make money off of and is my job. But I also wanted privacy and being secretive gives me the choice to have a normal life and a thriving career. And I like who I am and maybe one day I can meet someone who likes me first and Justice doesn’t come into the equation.” At this point I began to cry.   
Richard walked over to me and sat next to me. “Your career doesn’t define who you are. Your Jaycee when you wake up and when you go to bed.”   
I chuckled. “Thanks.”  
He smiled at me. “Can I have your number? I don’t wanna try anything just wanna be friends if that’s okay with you?”  
I laughed at him. “Yeah, I guess since you legit saw me have an emotional breakdown.” I put my number in his phone.  
“Jaycee Carmen Santiago.” He said out loud. He looked at me and then said, “Richard Yashel Camacho.”  
“It’s nice to meet you.” I responded.  
“You too.” He got up and went towards the door. Before he left he smiled at me one more time and said, “Your secret is safe with me.” He closed the door behind him and I giggled at myself for how awkward I was.


	4. Chris Meet Jaycee

After hanging out more and more with Jaycee, she quickly became a staple in my life and the guys constantly joked and teased me about her.   
“Alguien está enamorado.” Erick teased when my phone rang.   
“Stop it.” I replied to him then picking up the phone. 

Richard: “Hola!”  
Jaycee: “How’s it going?”  
Richard: “The usual.”  
Jaycee: “Was this a bad time?”  
Richard: “Not at all!”

I looked over at the boys making kissing noises and I walked out of the room.

Jaycee: “Their doing it again. I’m so sorry about that.”  
Richard: “It’s not a big deal. You should meet them!”  
Jaycee: “Why so I can get asked a thousand questions? Not in the mood for that.” 

She laughed. I loved when I heard her laugh.

Richard: “I think they’d like you. And we all know how much Chris would like you.”  
Jaycee: “I tell you one thing and you blow it out of proportion.”  
Richard: “I know you got a thing for him.”  
Jaycee: “I’m not his type.”  
Richard: “And what do you think is his type?”  
Jaycee: “Hmmm. Basic bitch.”

I started laughing really hard. Her quick witted sarcasm made my day a little easier.  
Richard: “You are right about that. But still! Come meet them. Their gonna be in my life for some time.”  
Jaycee: “You twisted my arm. When and where?”  
Richard: “We’re just chillin at my place. Gonna order a pizza listen to music you know guy stuff.”  
Jaycee: “Okay. I’ll be on my way. Oh wait quick question.”  
Richard: “What’s up?”  
Jaycee: “Am I letting them win in video games or should I do what I did when I met Yash?”  
Richard: “Second option.”  
Jaycee: “I knew it. Okay be there soon! Bye.”  
Richard: “Bye!”

I went back over to the guys to tell them the good news. “Jaycee’s coming over.”  
“AWWWWWW.” Joel joked.  
I just shot him a look.  
“¿Es ella bonita?” Chris asked me.  
“I think so, but I think she’s interested in a different type of guy.”  
Chris looked at me.  
“She likes skater dudes, video games, all we do together when we hangout is go out to eat. All I’m sayin.” I smiled at Chris.  
“So she’d like me?”  
“I think she would. She did tell me she thinks your cute when I showed her what you all looked like. She seemed to be feelin you, but I could be wrong.”  
“¿Voy por eso?”  
“Si.” I responded to him. 

After about an hour, I heard a knock on the door. “Coming.” I walked over and opened the door, revealing Jaycee wearing her usual.  
“Okay what video game and whose butt am I whooping?” She asked me quietly.  
I laughed at her. “All of them.”  
“That’s what I assumed.” She winked at me. I then closed the door behind her.   
“Guys vamos. Come meet Jaycee.”  
They made their way over to Jaycee introducing themselves.  
“Donde esta Chris?” I asked Erick.  
“No se.” I paused thinking. “Joel, you and Jaycee should set up the video game consoles.”  
“I’ll go easy on her.” He responded.  
I went to go find Chris and he was in my room sitting at my desk. “Que pasa?” I asked him.  
“Nervioso”  
“Por que? You know how to talk to girls.” I got closer to him.  
“¿Y si ella es diferente?”  
“Nada de malo con diferentes”  
“Cierto.” He paused then smiled. “Okay.”  
At that moment we both heard Joel loudly say, “WHAT! THERE IS NO WAY YOU BEAT ME. I AM THE CHAMPION. REMATCH.”  
We both began to laugh.   
“Let’s go downstairs before she makes him cry or worse have an emotional breakdown.” I said. Chris followed me back into the den. “How’s everyone doing?”  
Joel turned around glaring at me then said, “You forgot to mention she’s good at video games.”  
“Do you want me to teach you how to do these moves?” Jaycee mockingly said at Joel.  
“Game on J.” He responded and they both focused on the screen.   
Chris started laughing. “Esto es demasiado para mi.” He started smiling.  
“YOU ARE CHEATING. I KNOW IT.” Joel loudly said.  
Zabdiel walked over and turned off the game console causing Joel to continue to freak out. “I WAS ABOUT TO WIN. WHY WOULD YOU?”  
“Creo que deberías tomar un descanso Joel.” Zabdiel said gently to Joel.  
“He’s really trying. I’ll let him win once so he can get over it.” Jaycee said to me.  
“Yeah. I think you hurt his feelings too much. Someone I want you to meet.” I motioned for her to follow me. “Chris. Jaycee.”  
“Hola.” Chris quietly said.  
“Hola. Hi.” Jaycee giggled a little.  
“Hey Jaycee, I’ve calmed down. Let’s have a friendly rematch.” Joel interrupted.   
“Later.” She said while smiling at Chris.  
“WHAT.” Joel responded.  
“Ahora no joel.” Erick said to Joel leading him away from Chris and Jaycee.

“My English not so good. Lo siento.” Chris said putting his head down.  
“Esta bien. Hablo español e inglés. Puedo ayudarte con tu inglés.” Jaycee lifted up his head with their eyes meeting. 

“Estás seguro de que estás bien con Chris y Jayee hablando.” Zabdiel asked me while I watched Chris and Jaycee talking from afar.  
“El está mejor para ella.” I replied.  
“Eres un hombre mejor que presentarle a tu mejor amiga a la chica que amas.”  
“Solo somos amigos Zabdiel. Siempre seremos amigos.”  
“¿Es por eso que te ves feliz por fuera pero tus ojos cuentan una historia diferente?” Zabdiel said to me. He then walked away leaving me alone to think.  
Was Zabdiel right? Did I make a wrong move?   
“Richard. Thank you.” Jaycee came to me and gave me a big hug.  
“You’re welcome? Why are you thanking me?” I sarcastically said.  
“You know.” Her eyes got big. “Chris asked me on a date.”  
“And?”  
“I said yes. We’re gonna go to pizza place.”  
“When?”  
She paused then looked at me. “Now. I’m sorry Richard. I hope you don’t mind.”  
This was the moment that I knew Zabdiel was right. “No no I don’t mind at all. I’m happy for you.”   
She hugged me once more and walked out the door with Chris. I sat down on the couch next to a frustrated Joel and caught eyes with Zabdiel. He looked back at the tv screen and I sat there wondering whether or not I really made the right call.


	5. Chris Meet Justice

-One Year Later-

“Okay so you’re telling me that you’re going to Paris for a Burlesque Ceremony and Performance and you have not told Chris? Did I leave anything out?” Richard snarkily said to me.  
“Nope you left nothing out.” I replied while packing my bags.  
“Where does he think you’re going?”  
I just looked at Richard.  
“You haven’t come up with something to tell him.”  
“What am I supposed to tell him?” I replied pacing back and forth.  
“I don’t know. Maybe the truth.”   
“I can’t do that.”  
“Why?”  
“Because no. I can’t.”  
“Jaycee.” Richard stopped me from packing and held my upper arms. “You can’t lie to him. You’ve been able to dodge every question with half truths, but it’s been about a year since you two have been together. You have to tell him.”  
“How? How should I tell my boyfriend that I’m not just a waitress. I’m something bigger than that. I’m a Burlesque performer.”  
“Yes exactly like that.”  
“You’re such an ass.” I replied attempting to finish what I was doing.  
“Thanks, but you know I’m right. And what’s so wrong with your job? You always tell me how empowered you feel and that it doesn’t define you. I’ve always been proud of your achievements and supported you regardless. You’re successful. He should know so he can be proud of you too.”  
I huffed. “You and Chris are different Richard. I just don’t want him to think differently of me or break up with me because of it.” I walked into my room trying to hide tears sitting on my bed.   
“We are not doing this. You are so much stronger than you’re allowing yourself to be. If he cannot accept your job and the fact you have managed to still be able to be yourself without any press to lead a normal life, than frankly he doesn’t deserve to be with you. After everything you’ve accepted about the job he has, from fans attacking you to management shutting you out and trying to get Chris to date a model instead and all that nonsense, then he is not the one for you. Do you remember one of the first things you said to me?”  
“What are you doing here?” I answered.  
Richard chuckled. “Yes and no.” He sat next to me on my bed. “You said that you hope one day you can find someone who loves Jaycee and Justice does not come into the equation.” He paused. “No matter who you wind up with it’s better that they know about Justice whether or not you want them to know. You’re only half giving yourself to another person. Justice is apart of you.”  
I began to cry. “I’m scared.”  
“We have a winner.” Richard softly said. “I know. But Chris will understand. He might me a little pissed you didn’t tell him everything, but if you explain it the way you did the first time I met you then he’ll understand why.”  
“What if he leaves?”  
“Then you move on and do what you need to do for yourself and Justice.”  
“I could retire.”  
Richard gave me a look.  
“What?”  
“This is your career, Jaycee. If he cannot accept it, that’s on him. But he needs to know. And sooner rather than later would be a good idea.”  
I stopped crying and took in every word Richard said. He’s right and I know he is. “Okay. I’m gonna tell him. I don’t know how. I’ll get creative, but he’ll know before I get on that plane next weekend.”  
“I’m proud of you.” Richard wrapped his arm around me and I buried my head in his chest.  
“We’re a good team.” I whispered to him.  
“Yes we are.” He let go of me and stood up. “I gotta go. Are you gonna be okay?”  
“Yeah. You really helped me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
“Same.” Richard gave me that smile that he gave me the first time I met him. He left my apartment and I sat on my bed thinking two things. How I was gonna tell Chris my real job is a Burlesque performer. And dare I say it, if I made the right call being with Chris.

***  
Three days passed and I was ready to tell Chris. I told him to wait in the kitchen for me because I had a surprise for him. My plan was to get into my Justice clothes and show him and hope for the best.   
“Mi amor.” Chris called.  
I was so nervous and I just took a deep breath and walked out of my room into the kitchen. When Chris saw me, he looked confused and unsure.   
“I’m a Burlesque performer. My name is Justice Cruz. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the full truth.” I began to cry and sat down at the table just crying when I felt a hand on my shoulder.   
“Mi amor.” Chris said again.  
I looked over at him and his eyes were full of love. “Are you mad?”  
“¿Por qué lo sería?” He replied.  
“Because I lied and didn’t tell you and that this is my profession.”  
“Jaycee, I knew.”  
“What?” I stopped crying.  
Chris moved his chair closer to mine. “Una noche fui a un par de clubes con los chicos y uno de los chicos necesitaba hacer pis y entramos a un club y Justice estaba actuando. Y no quería mirar porque no quería sentir que te estaba traicionando, pero miré y te vi actuar. Al final de tu set, comenzaste a hablar y supe que eras tú.”  
“¿Por qué no me dijiste?” I replied feeling shocked.  
“Estaba esperando que me lo cuentes.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Si Richard no necesitará usar el baño esa noche, nunca me habría enterado, pero a pesar de enterarme de eso o de ahora, te apoyo infinitamente.”  
My smile slowly went down, then I remembered Paris. “I have this thing in Paris. Would you..”  
“Si, I’ll be there.” He smiled back at me.  
“Are you sure you can?”  
“Si. I won’t let you down. Ahora podemos cenar. Tengo hambre. ¿Debo asumir que estás cambiando?”  
I laughed and went back to my room to change. As I was changing, all I could think of was about Richard doing that and why he would do that to me.


	6. Fallout

I was playing video games with Joel and Zabdiel when I hear an angry knock on the door.   
“Whose that?” Joel asked.  
“Don’t know. I didn’t invite anyone else over.” I opened the door and there was Jaycee. “What’s up?”  
“Don’t ‘what’s up?’ me. You know what’s up.” Jaycee quickly answered.  
“Um. I don’t know what’s wrong. Can you tell me?”  
“Your room. Now.” She walked into the house.  
“Your back! Now I can finally beat you.” Joel excitedly said to Jaycee.  
“In your dreams number 2.” She responded without looking.   
Joel stood there shocked. “Richard, what did you do?”  
“I’m about to find out.” I said before closing the door.   
“Nos iremos y dejaremos que ustedes dos hablen en privado.” Zabdiel said as he started walking with Erick to the door.  
“What. But I.” Joel began. Zabdiel shot him a look. “Fine.” Joel followed them out the door.  
I went up the stairs to see Jaycee in my room standing there staring at me. “Sit.”  
“No.”  
“Okay.” I sat on my bed. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on or am I reading your mind?”  
“Richard, is there anything you’ve hid from me?”  
“No.” I think about the many times I’ve wanted to ask her why Chris and not me, but that wouldn’t help me.  
“You sure?”  
“I’m sure.” I stood up and tried to hug her.  
“So that night you went out with Joel, Chris, and Yashua you stayed clear of the club I perform at?”  
“Of course. Why would I go there?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe to use the bathroom and bring everyone in including Chris.”  
I closed my eyes lowering my head. I then looked at her. “Jaycee, I didn’t think it was a big deal.”  
“Oh really? Or did you do that purposely?”  
“I didn’t...I”  
“You didn’t what. Tell me Richard. What is it?”  
“I don’t know. I just- I don’t-”  
“WHAT OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND TALK.”  
“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.”  
“REALLY? OTHER THAN GO SOMEPLACE AND BRING CHRIS AND YOU KNOW I WASN’T READY TO TELL HIM.”  
“YOU TOLD HIM. WHY DOES IT MATTER HOW HE FOUND OUT. HE KNOWS! HE’S STILL WITH YOU. YOU GET YOUR FAIRYTALE OKAY. YOU GET TO DANCE ONSTAGE LIKE A SLUT FOR MEN AND STILL GET YOUR BOYFRIEND IN THE END. EVERYONE’S HAPPY.”  
I stopped and looked at her face. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. “Jaycee..” I walked towards her and she backed up.  
“Is that what you think Richard? So what was the point of this whole friendship? What was the point of asking me for my number that night?”  
“I didn’t mean that.”  
“You did. You meant every word.”  
“Listen, Jaycee. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”  
“I don’t either Richard. I thought I could trust you.”  
“You can.” I once more tried to hug her.  
“I can’t.” The tears finally fell down her cheek. “There was one point in my relationship where I thought I was with the wrong person and that I made the wrong decision. Did Chris ever tell you about that one month break? I needed space from him because I thought that he wasn’t the right one for me. I thought that was you.”  
“Really?” I sat down on my bed.  
“In that one month I was ready to give up my whole relationship just to be with you.” She sat next to me.  
“Why’d you choose Chris?”  
She took a breath. “Because I didn’t want to lose either of you. The love I have for Chris is very important to me. All the bullshit he dealt with and instead of walking away, he stayed. That means more to me than anything else in this world.”  
Now was my moment to tell her before she left. “I have been hiding something else from you.”  
She looked at me.  
“I made a mistake introducing you to Chris. I made a mistake by letting you go. I love you and I’m so sorry for not telling you from the beginning. Maybe things would’ve been different if I told you.”  
She let out a sigh. “Maybe.” She stood up and I held her hand.  
“Please don’t leave. I’m a jerk a huge jerk. You don’t deserve that.”  
“I don’t deserve it.” She let go of my hand. “Goodbye.” She walked out of my room without looking at me and then slammed the front door of my home. 

That was the last time I saw her.


	7. Goodbye Jaycee

-Three Months Later-

“Have you heard from her?” Joel kept asking me over and over.  
“No.” I answered him.   
“Are you okay? I’m here if you wanna talk.”  
“Talk to Chris. As far as I know their still together and happy.”  
“I heard Paris was great.”   
I ignored Joel.

***  
I took a deep breath.   
“Are you gonna be okay Jaycee?” Syd asked.  
“Yeah. Goodbyes are hard, but I can’t give up this opportunity.” I replied hugging her.   
“What are you gonna do about Chris?”  
“I haven’t figured that part out yet.”  
“Maybe it’s time to forgive Richard?”   
“Maybe.” I responded to her. “Syd, can I close up?”  
“Of course! You know the drill.” Syd hugged me one last time. “I’m gonna miss you. Keep in touch.”  
“Always.” I said to her. Syd left the room.  
I looked at the old dressing room where I spent many nights getting ready. Playing two different parts. Myself and Justice. I smiled then placed a letter on the makeup counter. I walked out of the room and once more ran into Syd. “Hey can you do me a favor?”  
“Of course!”

***

My phone buzzed and I looked down and it was Jaycee.

J: hey stranger. Can you meet me at the club? Xoxo

I smiled knowing that maybe things would be different.

***

I entered the club. It looked so peaceful with no one there.   
“Richard?” a voice called for me and I turned hoping it was Jaycee. “I’m Syd. Let me bring you to Jaycee’s dressing room.”  
“Okay.” She led me to the dressing room and let me in. She walked away from me and I turned the lights on. The room was completely empty. All of her stuff was gone. I felt myself breaking into a million pieces. I noticed an envelope with my name on it. I opened it slowly scared of what I would find inside. 

The letter stated:

DEAR RICHARD,  
IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE TALKED AND THAT’S PARTLY MY FAULT. I’M SORRY I CUT YOU OFF AND IGNORED ALL YOUR CALLS AND TEXTS. WE FOUGHT LIKE WE HAVE BEFORE, BUT THIS FIGHT WAS THE FINAL STRAW FOR ME. I’M TIRED OF LIVING TWO LIVES, TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, AND LOVING TWO MEN HOPELESSLY.   
EVERY WORD I EVER SAID TO HURT YOU I’M SORRY FOR AND APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR. I NEVER GOT TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, HOW MUCH I’VE WANTED TO WAKE UP IN YOUR ARMS, HOW MUCH I WISH YOU WERE THE ONE FOR ME. SADLY I JUST THINK I NEED TIME TO MYSELF AWAY FROM EVERYTHING.  
THERE’S A REASON I’M WRITING YOU A LETTER IS BECAUSE AT THIS MOMENT I AM BOARDING A PLANE TO LEAVE. I WAS OFFERED AN OPPORTUNITY IN PARIS TO BE THEIR HEADLINER AND IT WAS SOMETHING I COULD NOT SAY NO TO. IT’S GOOD TIMING FOR ME TO START OVER WHETHER IT BE IN PARIS FOR THE NEXT YEAR OR BACK IN THE US. I DON’T KNOW WHERE LIFE WILL TAKE ME, BUT I KNOW THAT IT WILL TAKE ME WHERE I NEED TO GO.   
MAYBE THINGS WILL TURN OUT DIFFERENTLY. MAYBE THEY WON’T. MAYBE ONE DAY I’LL CHOOSE TO STAY. I CAN’T LIVE MY LIFE ON MAYBES. I NEED TO TAKE EVERY CHANCE. I WISH THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR CAREER. MAYBE ONE DAY WE’LL MEET AGAIN, BUT IF THAT MAYBE NEVER HAPPENS I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS. I AM THINKING OF YOU ALWAYS. WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AT NIGHT, YOU WILL BE THE ONE I DREAM OF.

JAYCEE.

My eyes finally unleash the tears I’ve been holding back inside my heart. I can’t believe that she’s gone. I stand up and take the letter with me. “Syd.”  
“Yes Richard?”  
“Which airport?”

***

I put my key into the apartment I share with Jaycee putting my stuff down. “Mi amor. Mi amor.” I walk into my room and notice her stuff is gone. On the bed she left an envelope. I sit on the bed and begin to cry. “Why Jaycee.” I open the letter.

DEAR CHRIS,  
MI AMOR. I KNOW THIS IS SUDDEN FOR YOU. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE FOR US. FROM THE UPS AND DOWNS, YOU STAYED. THERE WAS NEVER A MOMENT THAT I FELT ALONE AND I AM SO SORRY I AM LEAVING YOU ALONE.   
THERE HAS BEEN AN OPPORTUNITY THAT I JUST CAN’T SAY NO TO. WHEN WE WERE IN PARIS, THE VENUE OWNER ASKED ME TO BE THERE PERMANENT HEADLINER. THIS MEANS I WOULD BE IN PARIS FOR A FULL YEAR, MAYBE LONGER. I’VE HAD MANY RESTLESS NIGHTS WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD TAKE THIS CHANCE. AND I JUST CAN’T SAY NO. I NEED TO TAKE THIS CHANCE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I JUST CAN’T LET THE OPPORTUNITY SLIP AWAY FROM ME.  
I KNOW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS UNDERSTAND. AND I KNOW YOU’RE SITTING THERE WONDERING WHY WE CAN’T TRY TO DO LONG DISTANCE AND WHEN YOU’RE IN EUROPE I CAN SEE YOU. I CAN’T DO THAT TO YOU. YOU DESERVE TO HAVE SOMEONE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK. I CAN’T SEE INTO THE FUTURE, BUT IF WE’RE MEANT TO BE TIME WILL TELL AND WILL BRING US BACK TOGETHER. THIS PAST YEAR HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR I’VE HAD.  
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, BUT IT’S TIME FOR ME TO SPREAD MY WINGS AND LEAVE MIAMI AND MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF. I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE. I HOPE FOR THE LAST TIME YOU CAN UNDERSTAND AND LOVE ME REGARDLESS. I WISH THE WORLD FOR YOU CHRISTOPHER BRYANT VELEZ. LIVE HAPPY AND WITHOUT REGRET. 

JAYCEE  
I put the letter back into the envelope and say out loud to myself, “Siempre lo entenderé.” The tears flood from my eyes and for the first time in a long time I sob myself to sleep hoping that the next morning Jaycee will be there in my arms.


	8. Goodbye Justice?

I’m sitting at the airport waiting to board. Coffee in one hand and phone in the other hand. I can feel my heart pounding outside of my chest and I keep watching the people in the airport. Wondering what their stories are. If their stories are just as multilayered as mine. I stand up to throw away the empty coffee cup and I hear sounds of “¿Es cierto que tienes novia?” and “¿CNCO se va a separar?”. And I wonder who is gonna come through that door. My heart and head are telling me two seperate things until I see Joel coming through the door. I furrow my brow in confusion.   
“Jaycee, don’t do this.” Joel says to me.  
“I’m doing what’s best for me.” I reply trying to get away from him.  
“You’re doing what’s best for Justice. Not what’s best for Jaycee.”  
“Joel, please. I can’t do this.”  
He follows me back to my seat. “You know what your heart is telling you. You know the fantastic career you’ve had, but what why sacrifice Jaycee in the process. You can hang up Justice and do what is best for yourself and come out of the darkness and stop living two lives and live one.”  
“I chose which one I want to live.” I respond quickly.  
“You want to be Justice all your life.”  
I pause and take a breath. “It’s more complicated than it you’re making it.”  
“Then enlighten me.”  
“Who I am is not impressive or desirable. People don’t want me.”  
“Are you sure about that?” Joel pulls out his phone.  
“I can’t talk to them.”  
“Talk to who?”  
I look Joel.  
“Forget I asked. Here.” He pulls up a youtube cover I recorded of the song “Nobody Wants to be Lonely.” He shows me the comments underneath. “Look. All these positive things. I think it’s time to be Jaycee.”  
“After the damage I’ve caused, I can’t.”  
“You can fix it.”  
“How?”  
“The first step is admitting to yourself that you can’t always make everyone happy. The second step is rekindling your relationship with Chris and the third is forgiving Richard.”  
“How do you know I’d rekindle my relationship with Chris?”  
“Because I’m not blind. You are in love with Chris. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. You cannot allow your guilt for not loving Richard more than a best friend cause you to make such a rash decision.”  
I take a breath.  
Joel reaches out his hand. “Please. Come with me. I’ll help you. We’ll help you.”  
I stare at his hand. I hear the announcement that my plane is boarding and I look over at Joel then back at the people getting in line. I once more look back at Joel, wondering will I regret this? Will I look back and regret not taking the other path?


End file.
